ok, that SUCKED.

also? my answer SUCKED.

i realized on the way home that i totally got off topic, i'm pretty sure i summarized the books as opposed to analyzing them, i'm also pretty sure my argument was SHIT. and didn't really answer the question and OH MY GODS THAT SUCKED.

I have to go do it again on wed and then again on friday. *cries*

i need someone else to walk the dog because my brain hurts so much i just want to lie down and cover myself in a blanket and pretend the rest of the world isn't there.... or conversly punch something.

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i have recapped/worked through:

1 book on monday
3 books on tuesday
5 books on wednesday
4 books on thursday (today) - though the day isn't over and i'm aiming for two more

tomorrow i find out if i'm starting my exams on monday or tuesday. Either way I'll testing for three days (either monday/wed/fri or tues/wed/fri). Six hours each day (from 9:00 am to 3:30 pm), no books - just a computer, the questions, and me.

about half the time i'm terrified i'll fail or be incomprehensibly dumb or just not get things right, and about half the time i'm finding new connections i hadn't put together before, and maybe a smidge of that time i'm feeling like i can do this and i know what's coming and it is faceable.

then i look at the list of things i have yet to review and want just one more week. oh well, i have the time i have... either 4 days or 3 days left. then i'll do the oral exam june 11th and that will be that.

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So, in my quest to get back on the reading horse and prepare for comps, I get to read two books a day and then remind myself of some of the other theory. Finished one. Here is the write up (You'll note this is the second Abe Kobo book because classics!prof had read it, not the book I prefer of Abe's).

And, to pimp it, I made a graphic.



( A short write up on Suna no Ona / Woman in the Dunes by Abe Kobo )

Foucault's History of Sexuality, here I come!

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I have keyboard back! My keyboard went out last week sunday, and let me tell you, the internet is lame with just a few letters. (all of my most typed letters went out, so i lost most of the vowels first. :( but at least if this happens to you, you can have it fixed too!). The great part about it was that I found a repair person who works out of his house, so he'll come and pick up your computer (and drop it off) from your house! He was also kind of cute, and we kind of were awkwardly flirty with each other at drop off and pick up. If i could afford it i would actually consider having him clean up my computer system just so i could see if it was just situational flirtation or not.

In LJ Scrapbook stuff - I guess there has been a discussion about LJ overhauling Scrapbook and somehow simultaneously reducing the amount of storage space one gets? There's some problems with that message:

1) I've had a paid LJ expressly for the scrapbook feature and I've never had more than 2GB space (you have the option to buy *more* if you want, but it's an additional cost).

2) And look, I also may be unpopular in saying this, but LJ's scrapbook needs an overhaul like burning. I have hated it ever since I started using it -- the upload interface is terrible (srsly, uploading files one file at a time? ugh), the administration interface is clunky, it took/takes a million clicks to get to the perma-url for your uploaded pics, the automatic 'post to journal' formatting is ucky and has bad choices, even the design and presentation of the photos in folders is dated-bordering-on-foul. The only good part about the functionality for me was if you moved photos from one folder to another they didn't change their permalink, so reorganization was possible without breaking links. (but even photo and gallery management within the interface is just ... ugh). It's easier to arrange photos on tumblr, and I consider their photo arrangement to be so limiting that it discourages creativity.

The problem with all of this is that there is NO way they can retain the old system and 'upgrade' it. I can tell it was built on old code that was never intended to handle images the way we daily do on the web. Remember at one time that a 50kb image was, like BIG? I mean, I just bought myself a 1.5 terabyte hard drive. I remember a time when 1.5 terabytes of storage meant you had a ROOM of hardware. And LJ's scrapbook just isn't set up for the kinds of ways we use it, even with people who just want to upload one pic for a post. So in order to put something in place that is better they *have* to break the old system. HAVE TO.

Now, I'm assuming that whatever they put up in its place isn't going to actually work well for someone who is like me (or used to be like me) as a graphics person on LJ. Because they're probably going to go with something that mimics photo hosting services for other social media. Part of the reason why I've kept paying LJ and kept my scrapbook was it was the choice I was used to out of a lot of sucky choices for photohosting, especially for a million little 100x100 px icons - NO ONE does that well anywhere on the internet (if you know of someone who does that well who hasn't custom designed their system on their own paid webspace, SHARE NOW DAMMIT I WANT *grabby hands*). I don't expect the new system to not suck too in new and exciting ways. If I knew how to code and I could design a system myself I'd *still* have trouble knowing what to design/how to design for it.

But perhaps LJ's new system won't suck in the old and lame ways anymore?

Onto better things:
In the most awesome convergence of fan and stuff I (occasionally) study, there is fucking HEIAN period FANFIC. Yes, there is a tag for it over at AO3, and there is even Sei Shonagon/Murasaki Shikibu fanfic. I make no promises about quality since I haven't read it yet, but honestly, this just makes me happy in a "fandom, you are awesome in all the best ways" kind of way.

And one last rec:
The Sensation of Falling as You Hit Sleep by greywash
Sherlock BBC // Sherlock/John (with John/FC at first) // NC17 // 80,000 words

Post-Reichenbach, angst but in all the best ways. With the additional tag "well now that everyone on this show is canonically a fourteen-year-old-girl" which I love, but is a bit belied by how fabulously this does John trying to move on and Sherlock somehow *not* letting him. It's a train wreck with saved people at the end, and has a much smuttier (WIP) sequel that is 1 part away from being completed too. Just *emotionally tasty* in the way Post-Reichenbach fics are going to have to be for me to like them.

Now, back to correcting papers!!

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ok, so, managed to get a bunch of work done last week, have not done any today (because of fics below, OMG, but more on that in a second). I did, however, meet up with a friend I hadn't seen in like a month to have sushi wed, and on friday actually managed to do my laundry, read the intro for a book i'll be using on my paper, get four pages (out of 20) of a rough draft done, and talk to half a dozen friends because i'd asked the ex to help out with dog expenses and the resulting email got me a little tied up in my own head.

( it's not that it threw me into a tailspin, just that it was a good place to check in with myself. and i found out that )

So, that was two days or so where I went back over my decisions about the way I'm currently structuring life, especially this connection to my past, and re-chose the choice I made when that relationship ended. And I think it is good and healthy to periodically check in with onesself and make sure the choices we choose are ones that are sound, emotionally. I am not perfect. For a long time I had convinced myself that the choice I was making to choose to stay in that relationship, even when it was sucking, was because we were trying together. I don't regret that. But now that I know that he fundamentally missed a major part of my emotional foundation, there isn't a reason to have to choose to be in something that did not work. Even when it feels like I am churlish for having done so, for being brief when he is chatty, for being on topic when he so clearly wants to go off of it and ramble, for asking only for what I need to maintain the dog and for not meeting his offer of friendship 'halfway'.

whew. no wonder I didn't really work last night. this was on my brain.

That being said, I have two recs from the same author that i just discovered today. WHITE COLLAR. One of them is a Star Trek reboot cross over, and OMG THEY ARE BOTH SO GOOD. You all probably have read them, but if you haven't YOU NEED TO. just be careful - they will suck you in and they're like 100,000 words each.

Contractual Obligations by Shaenie
White Collar // Neal/Peter/Elizabeth // NC17 // 56,664 words

The way Neal says it, though, amused and dismissive, is almost insulting. Of course Peter would never do such a thing, Neal's tone implies. Absurd notion.

Break down in the Shape of Things to Come by shaenie
White Collar (Star Trek crossover) // Neal/Peter // NC17 // 102,000

After the battle in the Laurentian System, the Defiance requires extensive repairs, leaving Captain Burke filling in at Starfleet Academy (whether he wants to or not), where he meets troubled half-Vulcan Neal Caffrey, under what are not the best circumstances for either of them.

(PONN FARR PEOPLE AND CAFFERY IS THE HALF-VULCAN. SOOOO WORTH IT)

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for the first year I was on my own cooking just for me was a liberating experience - ( I didn't have to try to satisfy a picky pallet that wasn't my own. )

That being said, today was a day for indulgence! I actually made the crispy french toasts I'd linked to last week and they were DELICIOUS. Two pieces was also just an amazing ton of food, but the most delightful part was that they browned really nicely in the oven.

I also had bagel and lox for dinner because I went to the store without an agenda. MMMM. When I do bagel & lox I do the whole stinky wonderful mess - toast the bagels, lots of cream cheese, capers, tomatoes, thinly sliced red onion, and finally that yummy yummy lox. So amazing and delightful and tasty.

now, to homework... never ending homework!

work related link of the day: Youtube vid visualizing the 6th dimension This is a "tour" starting from the zeroth dimension, and moving all the way up to the sixth, and then back down to zero. It starts out with a point, which turns into a line, then a square, a cube, a tesseract (4D cube), a pentaract (5D cube), and then a hexaract (6D cube).

fannish thing of the day: I am now caught up to the most current episode of Supernatural, a show I never expected to like, but have found quirky and irreverent and overwhelmingly angsty in turns (which is what many of you have been saying for years, and yes, i know, i am late, late, late to the party). I still find the gruff talking ridiculous (but it was how i knew *spoiler* ( spoiler thing )). I have also come to understand the hotness of Dean/Jensen is something you can only really see in motion - his eyes do not do the thrilling thing they do in photographs unless you already know it is there from having watched him hold his *feelings* deep deep inside in action. Much like Merlin/Colin, who I find deeply attractive, but mostly only after I've seen all of the expressions his face makes in action.

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because, wow, i do.

i am also confused as to why it needed to be 'fixed'? but i'm very very glad i use dreamwidth and only wish i could get my formatting from DW to move over to LJ entirely.

*sigh* lj, why so confusing?

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because this recipe sounds really frigging yummy!

still have the plague, though it's basically down to a cough at this point, and I managed to make it through two sections without entirely losing my head, then come home, do some Samuel Delany reading, and then do some Judith Butler reading, then do some reading for class tomorrow. I have basically gone from book to book to book all day.

BUT, I did take a break to make the weird savory tomato cheesecake (though seriously, NOT the dessert kind - it's basically ricotta, parmesian cheese, and a little cream cheese) that I had done a while ago. it has to cool for a million hours before it goes in the fridge (after being cooked) so I figured I can actually have it for dinne tomorrow.

I feel funny that I don't have fannish things going currently, but the closest I've got is that I've heard the new season of Game of Thrones is now showing on HBO. Does anybody on my flist see/watch Spartacus?? Cuz I thought the finale of that was pretty well done for, you know, a seasonal climax. I continue to be amazed at the way that show doesn't disappoint, though they're going to have to dig deep if they make it to a third season ( for spoilery reason here )

Oh well, we'll see what happens! Happy post-easter monday all (who celebrated, and those like me who didn't, but don't mind being wished it anyway?)

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sick. cough. headache. :(

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The worm continues to turn and I am reminded that a full night's sleep is probably the best present I can give myself - everything today for me has been flowing in a way that it hasn't in a while.

Over the last couple of months I've been having procrastination fugues like nobody's business. I thought it was mostly due to the uncertainty of exams coming ever closer on the horizon (and yes, i know, my definition of procrastination includes doing all the reading for my two classes and the class I TA for, as well as cleaning the house, walking the dog, whatever), but I haven't been my sparkly get it done self who only puts off even horrible emails she doesn't want answered for a day before she sends them.

Anyway, I got a full 8 hours of sleep last night. I've been getting somewhere between 5 - 7. I also mostly ate food that was actually good for me last week. The combo of these two things seems to have done good (either that, or I was really just having a good day! lolz).

( so this is the list of what i actually accomplished )

and now I'm actually going to go back and do more reading. and will try to go to bed at a reasonable hour so i can get up and do something similar tomorrow.

WEIRD.

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I am simultaneously terrified and excited to announce that I was accepted into a year long program in Japan! And I was also awarded the funding I applied for, for both summer and the school year!

These are the fantastic things. The not so fantastic things are that the I did poorly on the placement test for the program and they want me to do a summer intensive program to get my japanese into shape (which, fine, I was planning on doing that anyway, but I can't go to Japan to do it, i have QUALIFYING EXAMS). Their acceptance letter actually ONLY has the option for me to accept going to the summer school as well, which is freaking me out. Also, the funding I got is less than 50% of the entire total of the program (their costs have tripled in the last year, which I forgot to check, because, shit, that's a lot). So, um, I can go because I got in but I can't because the money isn't there? And then I'm also freaking out about what to do with my stuff here while I'm going over there, and how to get enough stuff over there to live for a year. Like cognitively I can't even imagine it. Do I mail boxes of clothes? I'll be there in winter - it snows there in winter. ACK.

On the good side my mom has offered to take Domino so I don't have to find her a new home, which is amazing and generous and awesome. Also on the *hopefully* good side the head of the department, for all his driving me crazy, said something about trying to find more departmental money to help cover the costs, and who knows, it might actually work out. Another girl in my program also got in, and she's interested in possibly sharing an apartment, which would keep costs down. (On the other hand, when we had three classes together she drove me absolutely bug fucking insane, but I think I could handle it by putting earphones in all the time and not accepting her requests to go hang out or something.)

It's all terrifying and strange and ... really? this is my life? i think it might be. *looks around* whoah.

Also had a meeting with my advisor just to check in about the Qualifying Exam and hopefully I will be able to take it at the end of May, though there may be some difficulties with my committee members. But he was incredibly reassuring about my preparation, in that he said something to the effect of this:

Yes, do study, and the anxiety about the exam is something of a right of passage for everyone who takes it, and you should definitely take it seriously. But, there are different types of students: those who have blind spots in their knowledge, where the exam is a place to point them out, so they can be focused on and shored up before the student goes onto to further work; and those who do not know their field and so need to be checked because they cannot or should not go further; and finally those who the committee is assured already have the breadth of knowledge required. And you are one of those. If I had to, for some reason, cancel your exam and yet asked your committee members today if they would still pass you, they would say yes.

That's a hell of a vote of confidence. Made me think I'm doing something right after all.

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Feeling like that today. When I get that kind of feedback from not one but two of my closest people I begin to understand how the problem is me.

and then my heart and my head go BUT. ( but. but. but. )

i know i should be concentrating on homework anyway.

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Stolen from lostgirlslair - Comment to this post, and I'll give you seven topics to talk about, which you then post your LJ, and so the meme spreads.

She gave me: Favorite ever fanfic, sushi (requested by mrtwstedwhsprs ;-), Los Angeles, Japan from a tourist prospective, favorite graphic tool, favorite class, and... ice cream

( so here they all are! )

wow, ok, i can type apparently. anybody surprised? :D

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I finished a four day whirlwind spring break visit with my family. Then spent the other three days kind of farting around at home procrastinating (well, sorta). Welcome home to me ;) It was really good to see them, all three parents. and all three sisters too. This all started because my eldest sister wanted to do a family picture of my stepmom and her daughters.

The sad part was that when I got there my stepmom was shaken up because she'd had a massive fight with my littlest sister/adopted cousin. ( oh, the emotional merry go round )

( I suppose the entire thing has made me morbidly thinky. )

Anyway, after that was two days with my mom in the foothills. Also good, though she's stressed because she's working on a big case and doesn't have enough time to actually do that and all the other cases. When her business is up, it's up, when it's down, it's down, unfortunately.

She also wanted me to teach her how to use the note-taking portions of acrobat (don't know if you guys know/use the comment functions, but they're handy if you're constantly reading PDFs and needing to underline). My problem is that my teaching style is to give someone a bunch of options and then allow them to choose their own most convenient style of using a program .... which stresses Mom out because I think she's possibly thinking she has to use every option I showed her. We made it through though.

Even if I am getting tech support calls from her on a daily basis :) At least that's something I can actually, you know, do with reasonable confidence.

She also, because she's a goddess, bought me a kindle fire. So yep, I'm now on that bandwagon! I'm super excited to use it for class stuff, especially now that so many books can be bought in digital formats. I'm a bit sad about joining the amazon empire - it seems more evil than google, though I'm pretty sure they're both equally evil and I just can't tell. But I figure even if I'm part of the empire, I haven't, like, taken a contract job to work on the death star yet or anything, so you know, I have only a bit of tarnish on my soul.

Ok, speaking of evil google, just had an exciting gmail moment - I actually don't mind that they have little bots scanning the text of my email before I send it if that bot asks me "hey, did you want to attach something because you wrote 'attached are' in the text of your email" .... because 1/2 the time I send emails with attachments I forget to actually attach the suckers.

To work, perchance to read!

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driving me a little insane - I have a sticky key... it's the d key. anyone ever fix a laptop sticky key? i've pulled they key itself off and cleaned under it, which seems to have helped a little, but not entirely. it still registers though, if i press down really hard on the key, so i don't know if it's entirely broken. It's weird because I'm a touch typist and now I keep pausing on the 'd' button so that i can make sure it typed it out.

i spent four hours yesterday in back to back talks, which, while interesting, were not exactly the most upbeat things in the world. The first was a bit of a scattered 'this project is just coming on line' kind of talk about Tokyo as an Imperial city, and the ways in which the flows to and from colonial spaces into and out of Tokyo made it function as such, ultimately creating something the presenter called 'Imperial Modernity' which was a sort of precursor for 'Global Modernity'. I'm not sure if I'm entirely convinced that the way to go about studying Tokyo this way is only through it's colonial flows (tours, export of architecture, and inhabitants) but at the same time I think the professor was also trying to carve out his own niche in a field of modern Tokyo studies that is perhaps fairly complex already. In the end it gave me quite a bit to think about in terms of how we retroactively construct modernity only with those things that have remained as markers (not the failed structures, like a kind of exported Shinto, etc).

the second talk, though, was the truly compelling and entirely depressing one. The presenter does environmental history, which is a fascinating kind of field that appears to almost merge the scientific and the historical. He made a compelling case for the idea that we cannot ever escape the fact that, for good or ill, the world is inescapably marked and influenced by the humans that live in it. The grim reality (at least as far as he was arguing, but I was definitely convinced) is that that public policy does not simply affect constructions of our notion of community, but it is, in fact, pain etched on the bones of the people. Lyrical and terrifying thought, though it does tie in with everything I've been watching/reading/being terrified by in terms of women's rights in the US. And of course this presenter was talking about two different traumatic illness events in Japan (and he of course gestured a little to Fukushima, since it's pretty inescapable, but that wasn't the main point of his talk at all) and how if we are going to narrate a story of 'root causes' of these things, we must talk not just about the chemical and the landscape and the weather, but also the social conditions, religious practices, public policy, because they have just as much if not more impact on these things.

sadly he wasn't willing to say if this is hopeful or not, since, well, historians - they look back, not necessarily forward.

so that was fun. now onto grading mid terms!

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I try to walk myself and the dog past these steps every day or so, just because they're so pretty (and steps! good for the butt! even if we both take them slow!) Tonight at the base of the steps there was a written message that was so sweet I had to share. I have no idea who the writer is, but I think the sentiment is quite lovely.



( click for close up on the writing )

Isn't that just sweet?? I love my neighborhood!

And in other things, those of you who loved cracked out 70s science fiction movies (and really, I can't think of a single one of you who doesn't, right?) last night I watched Zardoz:



which miraculously (fabulously!) has Sean Connery running around in a red diaper and thigh-high leather boots. SO WORTH IT! Just so you know though, in the future, there are no bras. I watched it with mechassninja an our friend Tebo (just call us two bottles of white and a bottle of red ladies), and had like seriously the most fabulous time. Even during the forty minutes of technical difficulties we had to deal with because the world wants us to PAY for the ability to video chat with three windows. Anyway, Tebo was the one who already knew how absolutely marvelous this film was, and so she inflicted introduced it to us. There was so much laughing in the first 15 minutes that I think one of us peed her pants a little. Just, fair warning, if you do try and track this down, be drunk when you watch it. Then the ending may make some strange sort of sense.

Ok, so that was the fun and (un?)productive side of the weekend. On the other side I gave the dog a bath, then cleaned the house (particularly the be-dogged bathroom), finished grading half the essays I have for tomorrow, and read a book about poverty in New York written in the 1880s. So far, so good. Oh, and I made mini-quiches to take for breakfast next week. Num.

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Language placement tests are like a two hour marathon for your brain. Even though it was multiple choice I still had the potential of crashing and burning - fifty questions or so on reading, grammar, kanji, and listening (each). The last two questions on the listening section were about conversations held in a seminar class about the nature of personal belief, and whether or not we should recategorize chimpanzies as human since they can read kanji. I will be honest, I am not sure if I got the question right on the last one.

Hopefully all that work was worth something - if my scores are high enough I will get into the program I want this fall and be going to Japan for a year. Which is kind of horrifying to contemplate, but in a good-kind-of-terrified way.

So fandom vids:

What New York Used to Be, by giandujakiss. White Collar. Nice editing, nice kind of longing vid.

#believeinsherlock by Deductism. (spoilers for searies 2) This was sweet enough to make me tear up. Like I'm serious. Fandom is love.

and an actual fic rec:

headlong (I'm falling in a) by hito
TeenWolf // Derek/Stiles // NC17 // 80,931
summary Kink meme fill: When Stiles goes to college, for some reason, he has to share an apartment with Derek, which sucks, because Derek still hates him the most. They fall in love.

I love how this came out - both of them being totally confused by the language the other is speaking, and then some worrying at the end, but also? sweetness, hotness, wanting to belong, goofy college crap where they never go to class, and strange new werewolves. What more could you want?

and hmmm, i didn't have tags made for teen wolf or sherlock.... graphics may be required or something.

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No, seriously, I'd forgotten what it was like to live with a woman - they smell nice when they're not drinking all the time. I came home and there were flowers on the air!

Anyway, so far, so good. We're both in the living room on our computers with headphones in. And the dog is settled down, a little confused at what the hell is going on but still, not bad.

I think this is gonna be good.

oh, and PS (a bit belated) thank you darling entrenous88!!

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happy vallentine's day! :D I hope those of you who celebrated are having good days. i thought i might be introspective about today, but i found myself just smiling at people who were wandering around with flowers (either to give or as recipients), thinking that i didn't really care that much but i was glad there were people out there who did.

I had a good day even though I didn't actually make any plans for it to be one. Which is kind of amazing, considering I've been feeling stress around every corner lately. Nothing major happened, just little things that all added up:

• i made excellent (even if strange) italian veggie casserole (basically lasagna without the ricotta or the big noodles) that was even more delightful for lunch today than it was last night.
• one of my students gave me a little bag of valentine's candy! (and even if she was trying to butter me up because today they turned in their first paper, I'm taking it as a sweet genuine thing, so there).
• i did my taxes and i am actually getting money back this year, and i *really* need it, so it's a huge relief.
• and soon, I will start grading student papers. hopefully the track record of today will still hold (*fingers crossed*)

My mom visited overnight on Sunday, which was literally a visit of like four hours, and NOT long enough. Still nice to hug her though. I spent way too much time on the weekend cleaning in preparation, especially since the dog is shedding due to the fabulous weather we've been having.

Ok, the housemate just cleaned out the fridge and left the trashbag of gross food in the middle of the kitchen floor while he proceeds to wash out some of the tupperware he's had growing experiments in the fridge. Streak broken? lolz.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY elizabuffy!!!

May this day be as awesome as you are!

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teasers:



I can't believe it myself. Part of it is elizabuffy's fault (no, really, blame her for the Tommy stuff, really). But she got me back in a groove, and, well, here you go. Then Adam Lambert put out his werewolf video and, um, yeah, that shit is unreal. If you want any of these customized I'm happy to do so and it'll take a tiny second!

( i know, i don't believe it either - you will find icons and banners of Adam, Tommy, Kris, Adam/Tommy and Adam/Kris )

Also, in other weird randomness, I got bored and was in an LKH thread and saw the new impeccably tacky book cover (for another one of her books I won't be buying). For whatever reason that prompted me to make alternative book covers for all her books. And then while I was making them I realized they're pretty derivative, but whatever, I don't actually care. I wish these had been the covers when I was buying them.

( I'm just going to say it's some weird form of LKH mind control )

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I have discovered a new way to totally lose time - check out the omegle tag on tumblr. (though prepare yourself for sherlock spoilers).

Also, has anybody actually used Omegle to talk to people? I had an entirely boring conversation with a highschooler (I think). I may have to pretend to be a character just to make things more entertaining if I ever go on again.

Aaaand, if you're interested in the Tale of Genji, there's this lovely piece of meta in the Fireflies chapter that basically makes a connection (in my mind) about 'romances' (which are basically court tales like the Tale of Genji) and fanfiction. The relevant convo:

Tamakazura was the most avid reader of all. She quite lost herself in pictures and stories and would spend whole days with them. Several of her young women were well informed in literary matters. She came upon all sorts of interesting and shocking incidents (she could not be sure whether they were true or not), but she found little that resembled her own unfortunate career. There was _The Tale of Sumiyoshi_, popular in its day, of course, and still well thought of. She compared the plight of the heroine, within a hairbreadth of being taken by the chief accountant, with her own escape from the Higo person.

Genji could not help noticing the clutter of pictures and manuscripts. "What a nuisance this all is," he said one day. "Women seem to have been born to be cheerfully deceived. They know perfectly well that in all these old stories there is scarcely a shred of truth, and yet they are captured and made sport of by the whole range of trivialities and go on scribbling them down, quite unaware that in these warm rains their hair is all dank and knotted."

( here's where it gets interesting )

[ from Tale of Genji online, Fireflies chapter ]

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my housemate just told me he may be moving out with two of his friends... by feb 15th. .......

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I've been in kind of a rut this week. Every time something goes up, it feels like it comes back down just a little further.

( going down )

Funny how that can change your outlook.

Ok, counting up the good things that happened today, this week, something:
( going up )

So really, it's not that bad, and probably I will be able to see this tomorrow, and tonight's gloom and doom is just a double whammy of long week plus pms. But I am totally ready for it to pass.

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My Livejournal/Dreamwidth is attempting to be on strike today to protest SOPA/PIPA

don't know what this is? check out a short video:



You probably have seen Google's blackout, or maybe Wikipedias, or maybe boingboing's, or maybe Wired's.... regardless, this is something that would not just affect people in the US it would affect the way the internet is structured.

Please consider signing one of the petitions and sending info to your congress person - while a couple of Senators have already said they no longer support SOPA it's important they know just how critical bills like this can be (and how bad)

Here's google's petition page that links to more info

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so I'm trying to meditate once a day to guided meditation things off of youtube.  I know that's kind of absurdist in an 'get your enlightenment through the internet' kind of way, but I have trouble staying focused if I just sit somewhere for 10 minutes, and the relaxation steps are good.  So far I've found two videos that were (mostly) ok as long as you've got your eyes closed - one for relaxation (that is really about body relaxation) and another that says it's deep relaxation (which i guess was mostly about breathing). 

Why all this sudden interest?  I started trying to figure out what might help me improve my memory since this semester I'm going to be reading something close to a book a day to prep for my exams, and I found this website all about how you can improve your memory and concentration through games and other stuffs like meditation. 

It all came from this wired article someone on facebook linked to titled (oh so comfortingly and not at all sensationally) Digital Overload is Frying Our Brains. While I think there's a lot of naysaying going on about what exactly digital life is doing to us, I do also think I'm personally moving into a pretty heavy stress period and that last semester wasn't exactly a cakewalk, and I could use all the relaxation and focusing techniques I can handle.  Though, frankly, I spend oh probably 6-8 hours at least on the internet every day (some days closer to 12) and I can still read books, do complex tasks, write papers, etc., so I think some of the short-attention-span-panic is overblown.

Since I basically spent the last week goofing around on the internet reading, I will try to put together a recs list of things I've found.  Until then I have another recipe, since I got bored last night waiting for friends to figure out what they were doing and made yeast-free cinnamon rolls.  This is one of the few recipes I've found where the dough actually does plump up (from the baking soda & powder).  I mean, no, not like yeast rolls, but I'm not dedicated enough to have yeast hanging around my house all the time.

( squishy cinnamon rolls, here they come )

I start classes tomorrow with a bang - I am holding the section before the class starts (it's a Tuesday/Thursday class with sections on Monday morning - I don't even know - scheduling is like ... yeah). I'm looking forward to TAing a Japanese literature class since most of what I've done has been literature-adjacent. It feels weird to hold the section before the class has even started, but this will get the preliminaries out of the way so that next week we can actually talk about the readings.

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Ok, so, here's the thing. I managed to get the camera out only about 20% of the time it was appropriate. I mean, sure, I took pictures of the red and white cookies I made and frosted for Christmas presents for my sisters. But I forgot to take pictures of the finished presents where I wrapped and repurposed my Trader Joes coffee cans to hold said cookies in awesome cookie tins. I took some pictures of my parent's dog Chewie, and mine, and them with her, but entirely forgot to bring out my camera for our Christmas day (that we do on the Saturday or Sunday before Christmas every year so everyone in the family can get together). Even though one of my sisters and her son was in England, we were, as usual, 20 or so people piled into a house together to steal white elephant presents from each other and eat a bunch of scrumptious appetizers and the potluck dinner that my stepmom has worked out the kinks of every year. She said this year, as she's tried to say for the last five years or so, that this was the last Christmas she'd hold at her house (my other sisters are going to trade off, say them). I'll believe it when it happens though. I deliberately didn't take pictures of me going with my stepmom and sister to water aerobics, but it was fun nonetheless. And I entirely forgot to take pictures of me and my sister together, which was silly because we actually spent the day shopping with each other and had breakfast together at the end and she was a bastion of awesomeness and just, awesome.

I did remember to get my camera out at my Mom's place, which was good, and so there are a few more pictures from my week there. We drove around and looked at lights up on the hills, and managed to exhaust ourselves making all those cookies I posted about earlier. But I didn't take pics of us unwrapping presents, and I didn't take pictures of our amazingly wonderful tissue paper rose windows. I did, however, manage to get pics of our awesome potatoes au gratin done in these little individual baby bunt cake tins and our first forays with the royal icing on sugar cookies. We attempted to recreate the designs from the gourmet cookies picture, though it may take us a couple of years to get them absolutely perfect. The rest of the cookies weren't as pretty (well, ok, the pecan lace ones were, but the anise ones turned out . . . strangely chewy and flat) but ended up tasty, and again, I forgot!

It's funny the things I know I'll remember versus the things I have images of, but hey, that's the way life goes anyway right? Regardless of the stress (and there was some, in both families, for different reasons) I did have a great time.

So here you go, proof of Christmas!



( Santa close up invites you in ....  )

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So, the amusing thing is that January seems to be wolf month, or something.  Last year it was akavertigo's ideas about Lupercalia, and this year it's


werewolfbigbang
rules & info l author sign up l artist sign up


come play!

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Happy New Year!!!   For new years I got a cold, so I got to get up from friend's house and drive for six hours with my throat getting steadily scratchier and my head pounding worse from the light fever.  It was really lovely to get home and sleep in my bed, make copious amounts of tea from my own kettle, and have the dog assume her usual spots around the house today to sleep in the sun.  Although its not been *too* bad today I haven't had the mental energy to be 100% coherent (that meme literally took me six hours to finish because of my attention span), and i have no idea if my voice is bad because i haven't talked to anyone (which is kind of cool). 

and i managed to forget my cell phone charger at my mom's house, so i'm not making any calls right now so i can keep the charge ok for emergencies (at least until the charger comes in the mail)

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1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

* made all the arrangements and stayed at a guest house in Japan (as opposed to school housing)
* took Art history courses and got to study in the research centers of two museums
* saw a bunch of museums and art shows, and even found a new place of architecture around the corner of my house
* went to a summer festival and bought actual Japanese street food
* did a zazen meditation
* assembled professors for a dissertation committee
* drafted dissertation prospectus
* created a tumblr
* took five classes at one time as a graduate student
* TAed for a film class at my (new) school

( the other 38 questions )

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The Master List at kink_bigbang is live! Check out all the fics and give them love?

Also, I did arts!

Fic: link to the master index of Complications by siricerasi
Fandom: Dark Blue
Pairing: Jaimie Allen/Dean Bendis

( summary and art is this way! )

Fic: link to the fic by morrigans_eve (forthcoming)
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing: Jess Parker/Hilary Becker

( summary and art is this way! )

And in thanks to people who were helping OTW's fund drive, I did these pretties (all images link to the corresponding fic if there is one):

( remember, click the picture for the story! )

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somehow I managed to wake up with some kind of food poisoning Tuesday morning and spent most of Tues moving slowly from couch to chair to bed, with a lovely lights out at 7:30 pm throw in.  Wednesday was only marginally better.  The best part of being sick was simply that I was at my Mom's house, so I could rest my headache-y head on her knee and she made dinner and sympathetic noises.  It was absurdly sweet of her.

Mom and I did manage to do a little crafty stuff on Wednesday (something we'd planned for Christmas but run out of time because of the massive cookie baking project) and again today.  We made (but of course, I forgot to take photos of) tissue paper stained glass windows from this book:


Rose Windows and How to Make them

But, like any paper folding endeavor, the instructions ALWAYS end up being more confusing than you think they are. our tips:

- you don't have to put the 'white' background in, and sometimes it's prettier if you don't
- plan on ironing patterns after you've cut them so they lay flatter
- use glue sticks
- the 'ring' frames are the hardest part to cut out and would probably look better if we'd bought colored cardboard to cut them out of
- when you're creating the pattern you're going to cut out of the tissue paper, make sure to fill in the part you're going to cut out

all in all it was a really good visit with my mom, though probably a little too short. I feel like I had a longer break last year, but I suppose part of it was that I didn't have to proctor an exam or grade for my undergraduates, so I was done before finals week was over.

Now though I'm back in sacto overnight, then heading up to visit my nephew tomorrow, then down to Brentwood to visit friends for New Years, then back home.

also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl

idahophoenix asked me the following (super awesome) questions:

( 1. Why all the love for Giles? )

( 2. What would Kirk (reboot ;) and Cheeks talk about if they were stuck in an elevator--or would they find other ways to occupy themselves? (See, you got me thinking about pairings in elevators!) )

( 3. What peice of art (painting, photo, sculpture, whatever) would you like to see someone use as inspiration to write a fanfic? )

( 4. Do you consider yourself as a political person--if yes, how would you describe your politics. If no--why? )

( 5. Choose who you would want as a student in one of your classes and why: Faith, Adam, Merlin, Draco, Buffy or Obama (just to mix it up a little!) )

If you want to play, leave "Squee!" as part of your comment to this entry and I'll think up 5 questions for you too! The only rule is you have to answer them at some point and extend the offer to others...


Also, a note about recent defriendings:
I am trying to move at least half time to dreamwidth, and since a bunch of people have popped up over there, I spent the morning trying to consolidate my flists so that I have everyone who is posting and active on Dreamwidth over here on my Dreamwidth flist, and everyone still active on LJ still on my LJ flist. If I hit the checkmark button on accident, please drop me a note!

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First Set: John's Pecan-Lace Cookies

( full recipe here because I don't want to lose it )

Second Set: Chewy Oatmeal Cranberry Cookies

( and again, full recipe - though really any oatmeal cookie recipe will work )

Third Set: Alton Brown's Sugar Cookies

( full recipe, and really I just chose this one because I still find Alton recipes tasty )

Fourth Set: Crisp Anise Cookies

( i know, they are martha stewart, but whatever, my mom wanted to use her anise, so full recipe here )

Topping: Royal Icing

( ok, this one is the recipe to make the icing that should allow the pretty designs of my last cookie post to be made )

ANNND, so last night I arrived at my mom's house, walked the dog, had some dinner, and froze my toes off because it went to 20* below (and ok, those of you who live in cold places can laugh at me, but i have thin blood!! and am not ashamed to admit it!)

Today we ran every errand under the sun so that way we can spend the next three days crafting, cooking, cookie-ing, and having an LOTR marathon and the whole process tired us both out. Not so much that we couldn't hop in the car after dinner to drive around town looking at people's christmas lights (pics forthcoming), though. It should be a fun time for all!

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Some of you may have heard/noticed this whole LJ comment thing (especially people who play on kink memes). What you might NOT know is this is just the first of a whole host of changes that are coming from LJ. ok, so far, the most succinct summary I have found is here at raemia.

there's another set of links/roundup at sf_drama here

if you are migrating, and you haven't found me on dreamwidth, or if i haven't found you, please do!!

(there's a link at the bottom of this post for LJ friends. Additionally, we did create a mirror comm for Summer of Giles (summer_of_giles) there, and it sounds like Dreamwidth is trying to create a community import (which would be AWESOME), so I'll be using that if I can when I can.

as for everything else, if you need/want a little humor that turns slightly dark (read the warnings), I am deeply amused by helens78's Maybe If We Just Wait (Things Will Improve) (Fandom/Livejournal, Angst, Relationship problems, G)

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My sister and I went to the mall to do last minute christmas shopping and she had to go to the bare essentials store and ... lured me in by suggesting to the woman helping us that she should do something with my eyes.  The good parts were twofold: I know many of the tricks to make your eye bigger and rounder (darker color in the fold of the eye and at the edge, light/white color close to the tear-ducts, etc), but I was taught another about creating a dark almost liquid line with a smidge of moistened eye shadow right across the lid near the eyelash line, and how to blend it back into the eyelash line to make more size.

upshot: makeup is addictive.

result: since i didn't have any of my remover stuff at this house and my stepmom doesn't use it, it took me like 20 minutes to get it all off last night before bed.  these are the reasons why i'm lazy about makeup.

We've already had one christmas here (which is why I was incommunicado).  Our family on this side is a big mob of 20-25 people (and that's without ALL the dates/girlfriends, etc) so the house fills up with warmth and smiles and people munching on appetizers.

I'm sure most families have this, but we totally have hello/goodbye hugging lines - whoever is in the house already all stand up so whoever just came in basically can circle the room giving hugs, and we all gather in the entry way giving them back at the end of the night.  It's hilarious, but also awesome.  And those of us that linger in the doorways get like multiple hugs goodbye when the people go around again.

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As my white elephant gift for a party tomorrow I decided I'd make cookies, in part because I ADORE these cookies and in part because I'm tired of bringing 'amusing' gifts to white elephant exchanges.  Besides, these are tasty.

So, in between finishing up this damn prospectus that has been my procrastination piece for like this entire semester, I am making cookies.

And I'm saving the recipe here because I have to search every frigging year for it.


( Five Spice Gingersnaps )

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I'm a bit bored and SERIOUSLY procrastinating (like seriously), so it's meme time. Stolen from mishloran (well, sort of - I modified slightly)

Comment with "Squee!"
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions, so I can answer some back!!

[also posted at dreamwidth, so feel free to answer here or there]

Lights are back on! I cannot tell you how glorious it is to feel the house electrified again. The air crackles with just-on-the-edge of your ear humming, and even walking down the block seems merrier.

Of course, that's probably in part because down the newly re-lighted block is a house with the most charming Christmas lights and a little creche with baby Jesus being watched over by ... two figures of Joseph, in pink robes, as Jesus' gay baby daddies. Oh, and there's also a lamb-figure lying next to them. I want to knock on the door of that house and thank them for being so awesome, but am trying to restrain myself to hopefully catching someone either going into or walking out of the house so I can complement them on their awesome decorating skills and adorableness.

House then is back to normal, and now all I have to do is a week of writing. Oh, end of the semester, how I love you. My munchkins take their final at 8 am on Monday next week (oh joy, I get to be there early, even) so I expect absolute diamond brilliance from all of them!

also, this just in, this is why Alan Moore is way cooler than Frank Miller any day

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he has no candle etiquette. I bet you didn't even realize there was candle etiquette, but there is. Let me tell you:

a) when your housemate leaves three candles by the front door with matches next to them, don't move all three deeper into the house.
b) when your housemate shares her candles with you, don't forget to thank her for them.
c) when you take a shower during the day, just leave the bathroom door open for sunlight instead of wasting candles taking a shower in the COMPLETE dark (since your bathroom has no windows)
d) when your housemate shares her candles with you, don't use ALL the big fat long taper ones, leaving her with the tea candles.

the other thing you might consider not doing? using the freezer to store your dinner because it still remains cool (versus fridge), and opening and closing it three or four times to get to your leftovers.

(all this brought to you by my irritation my block STILL doesn't have power, even though the blocks on either side of us do... want to know when xmas lights are irritating? when you can't plug in your phone to charge or turn on the heater because it's electric)

am currently at the coffee bean, enjoying their civilized internet access for 2 hours before they kick me out. at least the city crew finally started work on the lines up the street today, but it is slow going since transformers blew. and more winds are expected tonight. such joy.

In an entirely too Los-Angeles-Typical type apocalypse our power has been out since 11:30 pm two nights ago. Trees down in the neighborhood and snapped power lines because of a windstorm here that is supposed to be over with tonightish. I miss electricity. I am on campus now, debating on if I should stay where there are lights and internet, or go back home and enjoy candlelight. (Which, btw, is only really fun for the first night, IMHO).

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The menu worked out so amazing I want to go and do everything over again. But the fun of holiday cooking is getting to explore other things, so possibly not?

( all the dishes and links to the recipes )

(and then, when we had everything again the next day, we also did orange-cranberry sauce!)

And, a Turkey Day Picspam:


( the four ladies of thanksgiving invite you in )

As you may have noticed from the image up there (and the pics) I got to celebrate my turkey day with elizabuffy & my mom & amber! We had an amazing time - lots of eating, lots of (slightly unplanned) car riding, a planetarium show, an awesome silent movie, a bbc sherlock marathon, and seriously amazing company. Sadly EB & Amber took off this morning for other parts, but I get to keep mom for a couple more days. My brain is offline enough that I can't come up with the perfectest words to express how awesome the entire couple of days were, so you'll have to just take my word for it. For all this? I'm thankful.

*hugs you all*

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Anne McCaffery has died. You know the first time I read about Lessa I thought she was a fictional version of my mom - tiny, fierce, and trying to do what's right even when she was set against the world. I'm so grateful for All the Ships who Sang, all the women in the Towers, the Crystal Singers and the Dragonriders and the Harpers and the Talents.

And I didn't think on hearing this news that I'd be moved to tears, but I am. While I may have grown up and looked back at her works as being just as imperfect and problematic as any human beings' works are, they helped me grow up to be *able* to see that, and I'm grateful to her for it.

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I had this whole list of things I had to do outside of the house today but it's raining like cats and dogs. And ok, those of you who don't live in la-la-land will probably scoff at me for not wanting to go out in the rain, but the great thing about living here is if you just wait long enough it'll stop. And that everyone drives like an idiot in the rain here. Also, because it doesn't happen that often the businesses aren't set up for rain, so there aren't very many overhangs, no rain catches, and no one puts out mats that do any real good.

Besides, even when I lived in texas i loved having rainy days where i stayed home, cuddled up with the puppy, and drank hot chocolate ;).

i hope all of you are tucked in on this lovely sunday too!

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stolen from chosenfire28 (even though she was doing it for an awesome challenge....

TOP 10 FANTASY CHARACTERS

( in all their glory )

ETA: Totally screwed up the meme as it was fantasy and I read fictional. *i am such a dork*

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In approximately 6 days I GET AN EB!! (that's elizabuffy for those of you in the know) and phendog!!!! and a MOMMIE!

In other words, I'm having a turkey day celebration at my place and it is going to be awesome!!

any turkey day recipes you feel as if you want to share?? i'm taking all the secrets! especially for pumpkin, apple, or pecan pie alternatives?

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I couldn't agree more.

Dear everyone involved with the Archive of Our Own,

Thank you.

Thank you to everyone who's ever written a line of code, fixed a bug, wrangled a tag, answered a support ticket.

Thank you to the back-end coders and thank you to the front-end coders.

Thank you to everyone who's ever brainstormed about what the archive might do, and thank you to everyone who's poured their hearts, souls, and spare time into trying to make the archive do all of those things and more.

I use the AO3 every day. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for building it for me and for everyone who uses it -- and for everyone who doesn't use it yet but might use it someday.

This archive isn't something to which fandom is entitled. It's a labor of love. You make the archive as your gift to fandom, and I appreciate that gift so, so much.

Even though it isn't finished yet. Even though it isn't perfect yet. It's still awesome, and your hard work is tremendous and admirable, and I just want to say thanks.

(Dear everyone else: if anything in this post resonates with you, feel free to signal-boost or repost.)

via jerakeen >> kassrachel >> rhiannonhero >> kira_dark_wing

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I mentioned in my last post that I was doing this project in the Visual Studies class where we had to pick out five items from the Getty special collections around a certain theme, and then show them to the class. It so happened that my partner took photographs of all the items, so I'm throwing them up in a picspam. Why not right?

We chose these because they represented four different forms of disembodiment: the literal act, the photographed spirit, the phenomenon of light, and the conceptually reproduced

( pretty old things )

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