?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 
 
31 August 2010 @ 10:37 pm
the next chapter...  
this week is not the part of the story that I like.  It's the time in the story when I tend to hit the back button because there's just too much drama to take.  It's the time in the story when you cover your eyes and realize that this isn't one of those happy ending tales.

but i can't hit the back button because this isn't a story, this is real life.  it was mine.



He fucked her.  He fucked her the first year she came to live with us.  I don't know how often or in what detail other than the fact that the new years after she moved in with us they'd fucked.  and more after that.

I screamed at him today.  screamed and cursed and screamed and let my rage overtake me.  I screamed and cried and rebutted every one of his stupid selfish pathetic justifications for an act that had no justification.  That never had any justification.

I will never get the last four years back.  I could have had the last four years to start my life in a different way, and he took them from me in acts so cowardly, so spineless. 

Everything.  Everything that I have felt guilty about was never my fault.  trying to bridge the gap of a relationship with someone who had his dick in someone else??  no wonder it never went anywhere, no wonder it never got better, no wonder it all felt so pointless sometimes.

He made me doubt myself.  She looked me in the eye on a daily basis.  They both called my emotions into question. 

It isn't my fault.  None of it.  I just spent four years trying to make something work to the best of my abilities that never had a chance of working in the first place.  That was over four years ago but that I was never given the courtesy of knowing was over. And he was too spineless to do anything about it but turn further into a shell.  the shell of the man I once, many years ago, might have loved.


also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl
 
 
 
savoy trufflesavoytruffle on September 1st, 2010 05:44 am (UTC)
OMG, that is so incredibly fucked up! I am so angry on your behalf. What the fucking fuck?

JFC, I am so sorry, Kate.
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:53 am (UTC)
thank you lady. it is absolutely and utterly fucked up.

the good part is that i don't have to feel sorry anymore. ah silver linings.
Stacy: Buckysahiya on September 1st, 2010 05:55 am (UTC)
The ever-loving FUCK?

It probably doesn't help much right now, but you could totally get the ENTIRE INTERNET to put a hit out on these assholes.
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:53 am (UTC)
i know, right? fuck is really the only appropriate word.

and it does actually help. not that i'd call the hit, but knowing that it's possible.
EB: Queen of the Social Lepers: *hugs* kittens by shannonelizabuffy on September 1st, 2010 05:55 am (UTC)
What absolute pieces of shit. I am so pissed off for you.

I love you so much. If you need anything at all, just let me know. I'm here for you.

I'll be busy removing him off my facebook, twitter, and LJ.

~e!
EB: Queen of the Social Lepers: eb sucks by hollyelizabuffy on September 1st, 2010 06:03 am (UTC)
So I suck and can't figure out how to unfollow people on FB, but he's defriended on LJ and twitter.

That is just SO classless of them. *fumes some more*

~e!
(no subject) - gray_ghost on September 1st, 2010 06:15 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - katekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:54 am (UTC) (Expand)
cordelianne: Cordy WTFcordelianne on September 1st, 2010 06:05 am (UTC)
Oh my god, I am absolutely horrified and furious on your behalf. What the fucking fuck? I'm so sorry that you're experiencing this. *hugshugshugs*
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:54 am (UTC)
thank you lady. i'm pretty horrified and furious too. the good part is that i don't have to feel sorry or bad anymore about anything.
chosenfire28: AI - Kris/Adam - faceplant hug anichosenfire28 on September 1st, 2010 06:10 am (UTC)
God bb what a fucking asshole, they both are.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I hate them on your behalg and I hate that something like that happened to someone as amazing as you *hugs*
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:55 am (UTC)
yep. you called it, fucking assholes.

thank you for the love and support darling. it means a lot.
Kat: There For Youseductivembrace on September 1st, 2010 06:12 am (UTC)
Oh, honey, I have no words. I really don't. *hugs you*
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:55 am (UTC)
that's ok sweetie, i didn't really either. fuck seems to be working well ;)
missus_grace: comfortmissus_grace on September 1st, 2010 06:38 am (UTC)
I hate that. I don't know why people cheat. It's horrible and I'm sorry you're going through this.
*hugs you tightly*
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)
thank you lady, your support means a lot.
brutti_ma_buonibrutti_ma_buoni on September 1st, 2010 08:12 am (UTC)
Shit.

So sorry it happened. So sorry you spent years with the repercussions of something not your fault, and didn't know what was wrong and why.

It wasn't you. You can take that away, and move on.
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)
thank you lady. And you're right, now i can totally, utterly, and completely move on.
literate and stylish: wes - still a watchermishloran on September 1st, 2010 09:03 am (UTC)
Oh sweet Jesus. I cannot believe it, and there it is, written down by you, the truth.

I am so, so, so sorry. Betrayal is a bitter, horrible, shocking, horrific thing. But it IS not your fault, and you know that, THAT is what to keep in mind. What a bastard and a whore. Lying, cheating, scum, bottom-of-my-shoe assholes. I am angry for you. And I am so, so sorry it happened.

I'm so sorry darling.
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:57 am (UTC)
that's ok, i couldn't quite believe it myself. until i did.

and yep, fucking fucked fucking assholes.

thanks for the love lady - you know it means a lot.
kira_dark_wingkira_dark_wing on September 1st, 2010 09:09 am (UTC)
... I can hunt him down and kill him for you if you want?

my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 12:57 am (UTC)
you are too sweet darling, thank you. but i wouldn't want that on your conscience. trust me, he's stewing in his own foul juices and will be for a long time.
Professor Fancypants von Deth, Esq: Dinolovedwg on September 1st, 2010 09:15 am (UTC)
JFC >:|

I'm so sorry this happened to you, but am glad you're no longer in a situation where this will keep happening.
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 01:08 am (UTC)
Thanks lady. Me too. very very glad.
Taraelementalv on September 1st, 2010 09:41 am (UTC)
They're both fucked in the head, and I'm totally pissed off on your behalf. You know, to add to the general rage, because really? There can't be enough.

I'm glad you yelled at him. He deserves the life he's about to get.
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 01:09 am (UTC)
That's fine - it's kind of been a rage party around here. At least there are good cocktails.

I'm glad I yelled at him too. And yes, he definitely does. He's made his own hell hole and he can just stay in it. I'm profoundly grateful to be out.
Arielkikucutie on September 1st, 2010 11:47 am (UTC)
Again, this is one of those situations where you can't feel bad about wanting to cry, kick, or scream. Fuck 'em all. Now you're free.
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 01:09 am (UTC)
You're totally right - and I've kind of done all three (not the kicking part so much though, but the waving of arms? oh sure).

and yeah, i'm really glad that i'm free. really really glad.
Kivrin: Gwen in the snow (merwan)kivrin on September 1st, 2010 12:51 pm (UTC)
Oh my God.

I am so, so sorry. That is horrible.
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 01:10 am (UTC)
I completely and totally agree. There aren't really enough swear words in the english language to do it proper justice.

i'm just glad that i'm getting out.
(Deleted comment)
my monkied brain: _metal screamkatekat1010 on September 2nd, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Thank you darling, so much.

And I'm just glad that I'm getting out of it and i never have to deal with them ever again.

*hugs you to bits*