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31 December 2010 @ 10:28 am
Personal year in review  
stolen from [personal profile] sahiya, a meme where there's lots of reflection, and all in all it's not too bad.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?

What didn't I do? No, seriously though - spent 9 weeks at a Japanese language only program in the summer, presented at my first Professor-rated academic conference, did a bunch of things relating to being a single adult like finding an apartment to share, and buying my own furniture.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I went back to look at my NY resolutions from last year (and was surprised at making them) AND surprised by what I accomplished:
- didn't make an A in Japanese the spring semester, but did in fall
- did find academic friends who I can talk to about what I'm reading - they may not know the Japanese lit, but they know the theory
- didn't get to the ocean at least once a month, but just went two days ago so it seems fresh in the memory!
- paid attention to food in the latter several months, to be sure
- walked the dog a whole lot more often, and got her to the dog park a whole lot more often - the joys of single-person pet ownership!
- got a request to submit my paper at said conference to academic journal, due in feb, so i'm kind of counting that
- worked pretty damn hard on my relationships (and I'm counting the one that ended as ending not for lack of trying, trust me), and my friendships have become amazing to me, so, you know, yay.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but there are a couple of buns in the oven out there for next year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, and I'm grateful.

5. What countries did you visit?

Does it count if one is visiting one's own country? lol. sadly no international travel for me.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

A slightly stronger sense of emotional stability. Even going into last year I knew I was having an emotional crisis (it's apparent to me reading my entries, but I think one would have to read between the lines to actually get it), and now at least that crisis is resolved.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

No specific date, though August through September I will have indelible moments - the moment Neil and I went outside to sit on the porch for a smoke and he told me he thought we should separate. The moment I called Miranda to come get me because I couldn't go back into the apartment filled with 15 years of our memories. The return to that apartment to give Neil his birthday present when I thought I was going to be sad and regretful about that relationship, in a peaceful kind of way. The scenery on the 101 as I had a conversation with Tyler about Daria and Neil sleeping together, and the drive back to the apartment so I could confront Neil about it, and the feel of the living room that day as I threw my hands and shouted at him from across the room, as he tried to muster up the emotional wherewithal to shout back but instead ended up responding in that half tone of his that isn't quite a shout and could lead easily to a whine. The moving day, where I was frantically separating what was mine out from everything else, where Maija and Jeff and Miranda and Hawk were comforting presences of sanity amidst the dog fur.

Two other days stand out though, and not in a bad way:

6/3/2010 - (at least, I think it was 6/3, it may have been 6/4) - driving home from San Fran after visiting my parents and Megan. It was a day just for me - I dropped Megan off at the airport that morning after a perfect visit with her, coming off the heels of a perfectly wonderful visit with both my NCal families, and drove down the coast the way I used to when I was a college kid, and took the gilroy exit to hwy 5. The sun was shinning, the music on the radio was actually entertaining and I could sing along, and I stopped at one of those road side fruit stands and bought myself strawberries and apricot jam and then sped on home. I felt free on those roads, and happy because of all the family and friends and love.

7/10/2010 - right in the middle of the Middlebury thing we had Natsumatsuri (or Summer Celebration) - I had gotten up that morning and gone into town to buy things at the farmer's market, and even though it was rainy it was beautiful with all the summer flowers blooming. I came back and watched the party set up, played around in the lounge and then wrote my wish for the year and hung in on the tree. There was a drummer doing Taiko who created this amazing beat that echoed off the buildings. I went and took a mock Japanese placement test, which was great because there wasn't pressure, and even though I couldn't answer every question intelligibly, I could feel my Japanese getting better. I went back and ate nagasomen (really long ramen that's washed down a pipe... trust me, it's fun), and we had celebratory food at dinner. I had a great time with friends.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Presenting - and presenting well - at the conference, I think. Completing Middlebury, though, too.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not getting out of my relationship with Neil earlier. That kind of extends to previous years though, because I finally realized when we moved to LA (well, a month after) that I was profoundly unhappy. And I still clung to the hope that it would get better if I could just work on it enough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Not terrible anything. I did have a really bad sprained ankle from falling down the stairs while I was at Middlebury, and I was on crutches for almost three weeks. It's still not entirely healed. But in the grand scope of things? Not so bad.

11. What were the best things you bought?

My couches! Have I put up pictures of them yet? I will at some point. They may be a little warn but I love them, deeply.

12. Where did most of your money go?

Rent. Building a new life. Conferences. DMV for that stupid car registration thing.

13. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Seeing Megan in her home habitat. And making cookies with my mom this Christmas.

14. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?

Happier. SO MUCH HAPPIER. And relieved.

ii. thinner or fatter?

Just a little thinner. See dog walking resolution ;) though I would like to keep going.

iii. richer or poorer?

about the same, though not as negatively in the hole as I usually am post xmas.

15. What do you wish you'd done more of?

artwork. I didn't take as much time to play with art this year.

16. What do you wish you'd done less of?

crying (the first six months). I think I cried nearly every day.

17. How did you spend Christmas?

See most recent post - with awesomeness.

18. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Nope.

19. How many one-night stands?

None.

20. What was your favorite TV program?

of 2010? Sparticus: Blood and Sand was this year right? it's a tie between that and BBC Sherlock

21. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No. Despise? Yes. Daria & Neil Pity? Neil & Dar

22. What was the best book you read?

Sirens of the Western Shore: the Westernesque Femme Fatale, Translation, and Vernacular Style in Modern Japaense Literature by Indra Levy

Fucking brilliant book. Opinionated, interested in the micros of language and the macros of literary movement as reflection/motivator of social trends, I wish I could do this kind of scholarship.

23. What did you want and get?

Resolution. Better Japanese speaking skills. Lamps. A better life.

24. What did you want and not get?

A renewing of my relationship with my boyfriend. Oh well.

25. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 35 this year, which is just weird to me (because it's older than my mom was when she had me, older than both my parents when they got divorced).

I had a series of celebrations with friends, from having breakfast to dinner and a party thrown by my girlfriend for all the libras she knew.

26. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Hm. the petty side of me wants to say something really nasty about daria and her breakdowns, but honestly? this year was filled with things, really, filled with them. I think the only thing I can think of is if my department had a stronger sense of community so both students and faculty actually felt like one group instead of a bunch of little islands.

27. What kept you sane?

[profile] eliabuffy, gray_ghost, my parents (all three), Miranda & Hawk & Maija & Charisse & Alec and my flist and my dog. It was a group project.

28. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I like top 40 pop radio? not really a music person, can you tell?

29. What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay marriage. And the Jerry Brown campaign in the sense that I really didn't want meg whitman to win.

30. Who did you miss?

Ray when he had to stop taking my japanese lit class. He was the only one who I could roll my eyes with properly.

31. Who was the best new person you met?

Ingrid (though I may have *actually* met her last year, strictly speaking, it was this year we really talked). She's brilliant, talks a mile a minute, adorable, and we helped each other with our papers.

32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

That I need to listen to myself in a more sensitive way than I was, because some part of me knew I was unhappy and it was over before everything was actually over. Possibly years before.

33. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Every single one of my friends. I'm constantly amazed by the generosity, beauty, and intelligence of you people out there, and profoundly grateful for it.

34. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

no surprise there right? Oh, wait, this and the last question were about public-persona people perhaps? Well then, I'd say the american people for both? thinking about the people who went to John stewart's rally I was amazed at the stories, the pictures, and the sanity. It was like, look, here is an entire bunch of smart people who aren't insane and who are americans, yay! but for 34, those people who call themselves american and want to, oh, lock Julian Assange up for publishing information, kill all foreigners, or perpetrate airport security... those make me appalled and depressed.

35. What songs will always remind you of 2010?

Have to do with [personal profile] sahiya on this one, Katy Perry's songs. I listened to some radio on my trips up and down california and they're damn catchy.

36. How will you be spending New Year's?

with Megan! And my lit crit friends at a party at their place.

37. What was your favorite film of this year?

How to Train Your Dragon, definitely. followed by that Japanese four hour movie I saw (though i don't know if that counts since it was actually released in 2009) Love Exposure

38. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

in with the earth tones to modulate the black.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

ok, i want to go with this, but it's weird:

Everybody's looking for some love, but they don't know
How to let it all hang out -- and that's why they're solo


and I realize my year has been a lot more like this (and yes, i cheated by quoting the whole song):

Signal got lost to the satellite
Got lost in the
Rideup to the
Plungedown;

Man sends the ray of the electric light
Sends the impulse
Through the air
Down to home

And you can stand
On the arms
Of the Williamsburg Bridge
Crying
Hey man, well this is Babylon
And you can fire out on a bus
To the outside world
Down to Louisiana
You can take her with you

I've seen the
Rains of the real world
Come forward on the plain
I've seen the Kansas of your sweet little myth
You've never seen it, no,
I'm half sick on the drinks you mixed
Through your

True dreams
Of Wichita

Brooklyn like a sea in the asphalt stalks
Push out dead air from a parking garage
Where you stand with the keys and your cool hat of silence
Where you grip her love like a driver's license

I've seen you
Fire up the gas in the engine valves
I've seen your hand turn saintly on the radio dial
I've seen the airwaves
Pull your eyes towards heaven
Outside Topeka in the phone lines
Her good teeth smile was winding down

Engine sputters ghosts out of gasoline fumes
They say You had it, but you sold it
You didn't want it, no
I'm half drunk on static you transmit
Through your

True dreams
Of Wichita



also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl
 
 
 
Stacysahiya on December 31st, 2010 07:16 pm (UTC)
*hugs* So glad you're so much happier.
my monkied brain: tara - happy to see youkatekat1010 on December 31st, 2010 07:37 pm (UTC)
thank you lady! *hugs you back* trust me, me too ;)