I skimmed through old pictures last night and despite the academic joy of earlier today I'm feeling a bit lonely - I miss *friends*. The kind of people that call and that I can call, and that make me smile the big ass joy smiles. Having people physically in the same town that do things with us and are interested in things (and pass that interest on), or shit, who bring over movies and drinks and actually want to spend the night goofing around. I looked through pictures of parties we used to have - they reminded me of people I love and that I'm kind of out of contact with - the LA people that I felt were kin and family and *there* for so long. But lately I've been playing endless phone tag with some, feeling a little like I shouldn't call others because last time I did I kind of got slapped down, and just ... feeling removed and dislocated and disheartened.
Email, and checking journals, and all this typing computer interface crap just doesn't cut it tonight. I lived as part of a big rumbly insanely crazy clan for such a long time, and now there's me, and there's Neil, and there's the kitty, and ... crap, I miss having friends that actually call me up to do things. We still don't have that here, after how long?
There's one sparkly darling woman from LA who still calls us and who we still call and who I know I can actually make emotional contact with - but she's not answering her phone tonight.
If any of you are reading this, my crazy big family of choice, I just miss you all, all you wonderful people out there, so much that it aches.