August 27th, 2010

b/g - in the library

What happened.

Ok, so the short of it is that we broke up.

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So then the first day of the rest of my life started. 

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I woke up the next day and had a bad morning.  They're going to happen, and I'm not going to beat myself up for feeling sad.  So I cried on the drive into school. 

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And there's more - there's the visit to my old place that I made on Wed where Neil and I, it turns out, can be in the same room with each other and it's ok.  It's a little weird, but I want the best for him, and I think maybe now he'll get to choose some things he felt he wasn't able to before, and that will be good.  And when I realized that I found that my heart wasn't that heavy.  Oh, I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be bumps in the road; emotional ones, mental ones, whatever.  But I love him, and I want the best for him, and he loves me, and wants the best for me, and right now?  that isn't us together. 

But that isn't us out of each others lives either. 

So I'm going one day at a time, one night at a time, one cigarette at a time (stress smoking, i'll have to quit soon), one dog pet at a time.  And I think I'm gonna be ok.  Different.  Gonna learn different things about myself.  Gonna probably make some different choices than I might have and that's scary that I'll need to and even a little disconcerting that I want to.  But I think I'm gonna be ok. 

and thank you, all of you, who dropped me message on my last post. I'm sorry i haven't replied to everything yet, but every word of every comment meant so much to me. made me feel like i wasn't alone. made me smile. even made me cry (but in a good way) because i knew i wasn't alone. i'm blessed to call you my friends.

also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl