August 30th, 2010

tetsuo - crazy claw girl w/glasses

so that was a good day, this is a bad night

i keep wanting to do this 'this is the start of the rest of my life' post and talk about the good things that have been happening but for tonight I'm just getting out somethign that made me cry.

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Also, while I'm getting things off my chest, I have something to share.  Because fuck it, this is my journal and I'll share it. 

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Now, for someone who I HAVEN'T FUCKING HAD A REAL CONVERSATION WITH IN ALMOST A YEAR BECAUSE OF HER OWN SELF INVOLVEMENT TO SAY I USED HER AS A FUCKING GATEWAY TO MY OWN BOYFRIEND?  fuck her.  fuck her.

Yeah, so, she is no longer my friend.  I let Neil know that I don't want to be back in the house if she's there and he's not.  I didn't want to repeat what she said, so I just said that she was saying hurtful things and that I didn't want to get into it.  But having thought about the fact that my old nightstand is getting colonized with her stuff?  That  makes me want to email him the conversation so he can see how determined she was to make it about her and how determined she was to go for my throat (because even though it may not seem like it, that's exactly what that was - she was trying to hit me where she thought it would hurt the most... just like the one argument where I was calling her on the fact she'd been drinking and she started to talk about my weight - she goes for the emotional jugular to throw one off base).

It's not an impulse I'm going to actually engage in.  That's why I'm posting it here instead, to you guys.  But fuck her.  Fuck that.  Fuck this.  I have homework.  gah.