September 15th, 2010

buffy - model chic

resisting the temptation to make daily lists

Because really, life is a little bit like a list but then again... no it's not.  I could talk about how every day now I have a series of check boxes that are getting checked - many of them have to do with the dog: feeding, walking, caring, petting, training.  And right now we're quite low maintenance - eventually when my ankle actually heals I'm hoping our long walk be longer than a half an hour every day, but that's about all I'm up to at this point, even with new tennis shoes.  I could list all the things I've bought for the new place, because no matter how much you prepare or you hope you have everything you need, you find that the toilet paper is running out and you want to buy spices to cook with and somehow you need a dish drainer and  then you've lost five hours at Ikea and come home with some light bulbs and an entirely new bed that you were able to pack into your own car (and then put together).  Or at least, that's what happened to me.

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I pretty much tried to avoid the television last week, just to see if I could, and it pretty much worked.  Oh, not to say I didn't watch a movie on my computer, but I didn't turn it on as sound or as background, didn't make it the device I came home and switched on.  I'd been doing that for a while in the old life, probably to drown out the noise of things slowly going wrong.  Sadly, while that's good for my television consumption, my online consumption has been way up even if it hasn't seemed like it.  I've been here, lurking in the corners, rereading fic, for most of the week... when I wasn't walking the dog or making myself dinner, etc. 

I gave myself last week to get used to the new place, and the idea that I am making my own time tables and deciding my own pace and ... well, doing it all on my own.  The one thing I haven't thrown myself into is studying, but it will come.  I'm starting to get that itch in the back of my head that means I want to start thinking and doing and being interested in academic things - and some days I'm better at it than others.  

Case in point: I've restarted the east asian grad student organization (and this is what I call "being lazy about school work"), we've had our first meeting, set out the semester's agenda, and are getting together in a little over a week to do more.  I've applied to get a Japanese conversation partner.  I've taken a quiz in one class and done a presentation in another.  Course there's always more work - it's the nature of being a grad student - there is ALWAYS more work.

I'm not necessarily taking it day by day - there are moments when I've been sad but it isn't the crying sad it's just the ... empty kind of sad.  There are moments I've been angry and annoyed and those generally seem pretty healthy even if there is smoking involved.  There have been a LOT of moments where I've been smiling, because there's a lot in the world to smile about, even if it's just that my dog looks silly or I make it to school in 20 minutes and find decent parking or that I find out my newest housemate lived in Japan for a year and speaks Japanese too (which is true, and it's awesome, even if we haven't talked in Japanese yet), or that I get woken up by the sun every morning streaming through my open window, or that the bush outside our front door / my bedroom window has huge purple flowers that draw butterflies the size of my hand.

also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl