This last week has sent me boomeranging from ok to not at all, from coping to hiding, from productive to utterly .... I won't say useless, but I actually reread books I've read time and time again that I actually decided weren't worth rereading. I felt as if I picked up the graphics paintbrush only to put it down time and time again. I'm trying to reach a balance and still feeling like a teeter totter.
Like yesterday - went and saw Sex in the City (which seems to not have made an appearance on the flist so you were all perhaps smarter than I ... I will hopefully get up the balls to do a tear-down of this film later, but it's sneaky poison, so beware). Left me in a weird weird mood. But coffee with lostgirlslair and the fiance and my darling was lovely, even if there was some bleed over. We hit our intellectual stride right at the end again, though, and I love four parts of a conversation that all come together. But then last night, getting home, I was back down again and not just emotionally but apparantly had some kind of sugar low so I spent half an hour almost convinced my emotional world was ending and the next two eating proteins and fruits and drinking apple juice to get my body balanced out. And of course I felt like I was going to pass out from fatigue at 11 pm, but went to bed and read anyway and ended up tossing and turning forever after I turned out the light, so that sleep came in fits and starts.
Despite that? Because of that? I was up at 8:30 am (hellishly early if you asked me) and out of the house by 9 to get myself coffee and be at my temp job by 10. They made me smile - it's a company filled with engineers, and it reminds me of the good old days at Feed the Monster Media when I was the girl who knew everyone (and answered the phones but did so much more than that besides). Geeky engineers offered me breakfast tacos and conversation. I'd brought my own granola bar though, so conversation was the only thing consumed. Then there was the satisfaction of showing up to the Center for Asian Studies this afternoon (after buying myself healthy lunch - no sense in courting disaster) and organized, organized organized. I got 300 emails down to 50, broke down and dealt with 5 boxes of ... leftover crap that had been taking up room in the office, and managed (I hope) to start to smooth the ruffled feathers of the woman who works the front desk and fancies herself a graphic designer. She was still condescending, but I think starting to thaw by the end of the day. Or not - I'm attempting to not care.
It was good, good without measure, to get out of the house and be doing something, not just living in the same physical and mental headspace of last week, of this house right now, and I'm looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. Except, dammit, part of me actually wants a summer vacation! (well, part of me feels like I should get one - but perhaps the mental vacation is pretty much the same thing)