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24 March 2012 @ 09:43 pm
Alas! An ill fate is on me this day, and all that I do goes amiss ~Aragorn, The Two Towers  
Feeling like that today. When I get that kind of feedback from not one but two of my closest people I begin to understand how the problem is me.

and then my heart and my head go BUT. too much time on my hands. too many feminist websites. too many links to news stories where women, or people of color, or someone else who is not part of the majority of this country try to make their points and aren't heard. where the conversation is silenced with words about 'nit picking' or 'too sensitive' or 'too angry.'

i know i should be concentrating on homework anyway.

also posted to dreamwidth | you can reply here or there | um, but don't worry, i'm still an lj girl
idahophoenix on March 25th, 2012 03:47 pm (UTC)
Hi Darlin-are they saying that you're over-sensitive or too voluable about oppression and where's the sense of humor?

If it's any of that, let me hold your hand. Sometimes some of us just have to rage rage rage--because the world is fucked up and unfair and let me tell you how much shit I got back in the 80s for insisting on using he or she and pointing out that using man as a generic word for human kind of sucked and noticing when men took up all the air time in public conversations. Stuff that really is just kind of taken for granted these days. So you go with your bad self! And know this, on another day, in another place, it will feel less raw to you and you won't need to point out everything and be so pissed. But then again, some days you will, and that's ok too.

Funny story. I was part of something called the Womyn's Collective on the Great Peace March. This was this walk across the United States to oppose the nuclear build up in the good ol' cold war days. Anyhow--as you can tell by the spelling of womyn-we were really not too into men and quite loudly maintained that our camp area was a women only space. I was at a 25 year reunion of the peace march last year (yep, I'm old!) and one of the men came by and very humbly asked permission to come by and chat. We all cracked up--we're in a different place in our lives. One of us is a man now--we're strong enough and relaxed enough that having men around is just fine. But it was fun to see how he had taken in our "training" all those many years ago...and I bet that he has been more aware and conscious in his interactions with women throughout his life because we were a bunch of hard headed, bad ass, take no prsoners, angry women back then.

Hmm...sorry for the rant. Just sending love and support your way. And, besides, I know you have one hell of a sense of humor, an eye for the beauty in the world and a razor sharp mind---that makes you a winner alol round with me!

Oh, btw, Aragorn quote--I LOVE IT! (Do you know that I wrote a fic about Adam Lambert playing Aragorn in LOTR the rock musical? I don't find many crossovers between these two passions of mine.)

my monkied brainkatekat1010 on March 26th, 2012 12:30 am (UTC)
I really appreciate the hand holding and the encouragement lady! And I hear you about it feeling particularly raw on some days and on others less so. I think that the rage thing has been building (i'm not terribly talky about it on LJ but I've been mentally identifying with the radfem community for a fair bit of time) and this was a day where it just felt partiuclarly raw for whatever reason.

That is an awesome story. It actually give me hope. And I'm absolutely sure you're right about the man probably being far more aware and conscious of his own actions/interactions because you and the Collective helped make him aware.

and thank you for trying to buck me up too - you're waay too sweet. *hugs*

Oh, also, AM A HUGE LOTR fan! though i was a fan before i knew about fandom, so not in the particaptory sense (ie: haven't read much fanfic or anything, lolz), but practically have half of the books memorized because i have them on audio cd from this production.
Vertigo: pic#95623132akavertigo on March 25th, 2012 03:57 pm (UTC)
Sometimes it feels like the world is divided into nothing but two parts, a big part and a little part, and the big part is a boot on your neck. And the small part? That's where the good lives--and it's shrinking, crumbling. Sometimes I read Tiger Beatdown and just want to put my head in my hands and stay still for a long, long, long time.

So instead I go online and donate fifty bucks to my local wolf preserve. Or I read a book about a woman written by a woman for everyone. I read a story by a fan written for nothing that resembles profit, on a subject that while some unfairly condemn, others sincerely celebrate. I look at my nephew reading a book or at my mother--my lovely immigrant mother who once cleaned toilets for a spoiled, brittle woman--do her job a designer/engineer.

The world is broken, and there are parts (big parts) that are so ugly they rot the heart. Hope is hard, sometimes nearly impossible--yet here we are, female and literate and able to use our hands. Even if a conversation gets cut off or cut down, it still has the chance to happen. What's more, it has the chance of being passed on. Look at you, at what you're doing here, right now. You see something wrong and, no, maybe you don't have the money or the influence to stop it, but neither do you add to the damage by ignoring it. Today you say this is wrong; tomorrow, someone remembers hearing it and is a little braver in voicing their objection. It's not the always the size of gesture that marks its importance; it's the fact that someone had the daring to make it, to accept feeling "uncomfortable" things for the sake of recognizing a wrong.

So pick those nits, baby. Turn sensitive until you hit a nerve. Get angry.

Remember, you've got company.
my monkied brainkatekat1010 on March 26th, 2012 12:45 am (UTC)
Can I put my head in your hands too? But you bring up a good point - even if its shrinking and crumbling, there still *is* a part of the world where good lives.

But honestly, it was just one of those days where I was particularly raw about everything, and the people i was taking with are actually amazing, smart, awesome, *on the same side* people. It was more a case of metaconversation rather than having to fight the actual fight with the kind of people that make you put your head in your hands. I think the part that left me raw was just feeling like i was having to argue with people who i should have been on the same side with (if that makes sense).

i think the part that made it so raw was the feeling of inundation from seeing just how much the world is broken and then, when trying to take on the little things, having that not be easy or go well either.

ugh, badly stated probably, but hopefully you get the idea. anyway, I agree with you, that the important part is to have the conversations, or try to have the conversations, or even try to say you *want* to have the conversation so that way space gets made, and cracks start to show up, and eventually the whole thing eventually crumbles.

Thank you for being encouraging, for reassuring me that the nits need picking. That even if it's uncomfortable it's uncomfortable for a reason. And that it's still worth doing.

*hugs* I'm glad, more glad than you know, to have your company in it all.
Vertigo: pic#107251749akavertigo on March 26th, 2012 02:14 pm (UTC)
I ♥ U2!

This moment has been licked clean of all unhappiness
Vertigoakavertigo on March 26th, 2012 02:14 pm (UTC)
Somehow this felt appropriate.
my monkied brain: giles - happy smilekatekat1010 on March 26th, 2012 02:39 pm (UTC)
Vertigo: ai: subtle like Vegasakavertigo on March 26th, 2012 02:41 pm (UTC)
It's odd, considering we never swam in this fandom together, but in my head you're represented by a bobbing Anthony Stewart Head icon.

Sometimes it's on fire--with rainbows.
idahophoenix on March 26th, 2012 12:52 am (UTC)
Wow--this is beautiful.
my monkied brain: AI_adam_shykatekat1010 on March 26th, 2012 01:05 am (UTC)
she's got a way with words, doesn't she?
Lostgirllostgirlslair on March 25th, 2012 07:01 pm (UTC)
*hugs you tight, tight, tight* You rock darlin'. Full stop. And it was SOOOOOOO good to talk to you today! It made everything better, therefore you make everything better, and bad days are ephemeral. *more giant hugs* You know my line is always open. *nods*

my monkied brainkatekat1010 on March 26th, 2012 12:46 am (UTC)
*hugs you to itty bitty pieces* omg you tooo darling! seriously, you make everything better too. mine is to you too, ok? *squishes you, omg, srsly*