Last weekend my friends took me out to Jar (short for 'just another restaurant') to officially celebrate my and my girl M's birthdays and we gorged ourselves on red meat and ridiculous desserts. I had these amazing black yams (or maybe they were blue yams) with a yummy creme freche, and a totally abundant prime rib that i ended up taking half of home because it was soooo tasty but i couldn't eat it all. And ended with a chocolate cake that was not quite as to die for as their butterscotch pudding (which my other girlfriend M generously let the whole table sample).
This week I have spent every single bloody day writing writing writing to get my prospectus done. AND I FINISHED! A rough draft at least. Which I promptly sent out to my reading group for their criticism. The nail biting part was that i had so many contradictory examples that I didn't quite know how to structure anything.
The new nail biting part is I've sent this out to a group of critical grad students and they're gonna give me feedback on it. And let me tell you - grad student critics are the toughest critics ever. (well, except for professional academics - they're even tougher). The new nail biting has commenced. I find out their reactions/get their feedback on the 25th.
And it was my birthday! So I bought myself flowers for my birthday! And I took me and a girlfriend out to dinner (she is a poor grad student like me) on my actual birthday night! And I made calls to my close friends and my bf so i could speak to friendly voices and get good wishes on the day!
which, ok, was also simultaneously a little disheartening because I realized i'm to the age where birthdays are quieter than they used to be - with friends spread all over, and close friends here who have other responsibilities, having the world stop on my birthday isn't gonna happen so much anymore. And trust me, I'm pretty damn independent, and don't mind buying my own flowers or choosing my own presents to give myself, but there's a wistful part of me that still wants the party hats and the feeling like i'm the center of people's world for a day or so. It's mostly self-involved blather, and i recognize that.
i think part of it is that my housemate still hasn't been back to the apartment (this is going on about a month and a half now. and this is the first time i've lived *alone* alone. i chose to live with a housemate when i moved into this place in part because i do better with people around, even if they're only around part of the time and even if they're not close friends. And it's not like i've been a total hermit - I go out at least once on the weekends, and to classes and talks and such, and talk to friends and the bf on the phone daily. But I am a bit lonely and it has affected my outlook and productivity and all kinds of stuff. We're supposed to get together today sometime (if she's feeling well enough to leave the toilet - she's been ill from treatment again) and I think the 'i'm moving out talk' may be coming - which would actually be ok since i have a lead on another grad student who is looking for a place. I don't really like this limbo so i hope something changes soon.
also posted to katekat on dreamwidth | you can reply here or there