my monkied brain (katekat1010) wrote,
my monkied brain
katekat1010

Those days are over ... back in the saddle again?

It's 2:39 am.  What the hell am I doing awake? 

I keep reading every else's journals and forgetting to do my own again.  So I'm not putting it off any longer.  You have been warned, this is the kate-brain at 2:39 am ... it may not be pretty, or coherent, but hey, that's me.

Half sad, half glad to have mom leave to go home.  I did the cowardly thing in the last couple of days and hid behind homework and simply let Neil and mom hang out.  This does not a happy neil make, since he's home all day and then home all night, and he's not even related to her.  Not that it ever shows with him, at least not in ways anyone else would notice.  But he gets that dear-in-headlights politeness that is reserved for strangers and salesmen.

But I didn't go crazy, and I'm glad of that.  I hope the two weeks helped her, although I'm not sure if it did, not completely at least.  It gave her some more time away, to be away, and that's fine, though.  I'm not having trouble remembering that her troubles are not my troubles, and I can't solve them for her.  This time I think I might've got the hang of that, at least.

Then there was school, more school, and more school.  Half the time I feel like I'm looking at the clock waiting for class to be over, and half of the time I'm rediscovering my enthusiasm and wishing classes didn't have to end.  But they do, and half of me rejoices that two weeks I will be ALL DONE.  If I can just keep focused for two more weeks, it will be FINISHED, completed, OUT OF MY HAIR.  And then I can spend the rest of the month moving and playing online, like the goofball I am.

Speaking of moving, the house isn't quite ours yet, AGAIN.  Neil was all set to hand 'em money on Wednesday, but it turns out they have to have another assessment (well, really, have the assessment checked) because of the FHA loans and the fact that the guy that owns the house basically renovated it from the ground up, and it really is worth more now than when he bought it six months ago.  We're still on track, we're still getting it, they just need to do another check, which means nothing is finalized.  Not YET.  And it's difficult to be excited about something that's keeps getting put off.  

Then again, we keep talking about how we're going to design things, and what colors to paint, and I want to do something bold and bright for the little library/office that's going to be my room, and the only thing I've come up with is a grey-lavendar to accomodate the glare from the pink house next door.  Anyone have any suggestions for paint colors in a small room?

We went out tonight, to celebrate our very first Austin tradition.  It was a year (or so) ago this weekend that Neil and I set foot on Texas soil to pick out our new home.  A bunch of us tromped over to the Christmas tree lighting at the capital, walked down Congress and watched some implausibly important videos from the Chech Republic at the instillation art gallery (last year there were swings - far more fun in a certain sense).  We checked out Mexican dancers and art (in the same place, no less), got dinner at the Cuban restaurant, and merrily made our way up 6th street just as the evening rush to get to the bars was beginning.  I proudly skipped across the street with Christine (and tried to bunny hop across the next intersection, but that was much harder), Joel and Neil and Calynda explained the finer points of the "man hug" at parting, and Ariel and I bonded back and home, and we generally had a damn good, slightly goofy, reasonably interesting time.


And you know what I realized while driving home the other day?  As much as I may whine and whimper, as much as it may feel like I'm still trying too hard or not working hard enough, I'm truly happy.  Happy we made the choice to move here, happy to be where I am, with the man that I love and the friends that I've discovered and kept, happy to be doing exactly what I'm doing.  I still have goals: someday I'll truly beat Tyler at a chess game, and it won't be when he's not looking, someday I'll figure out how to get to Japan with a boyfriend who doesn't want to go, someday I'll figure out how to incorporate the sci-fi part of my degree into the Japanese portion of it.  Someday.  But for right now?  I'm content. 

and now that i've typed it, i know it's a dangerous statement... but i'm not gonna delete it. :P

goodnight.
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