my monkied brain (katekat1010) wrote,
my monkied brain

girlfriends, sisters, lovers, friends - yeah, so?

I just got an email that I've received at least 10 times in the past 10 years. It's one of those cloying tender and gentle missives, reminding me to stay in touch with my girlfriends, my sisters, my family, because they will stick with me through thick and thin, they will support me and love me and remind me of the good times when times are bad. And, I'll admit, there are times when the sickeningly sweet idea goes down quite well (I do, after all, love me some sugar).

But this time, this time I just want to scream instead. Why? This is the only type of email I receive from my sister. This is the only type of communication I have with her. This is the only way she shows me she cares in my day to day life. No phone calls, no letters, no emails with text she wrote herself. Instead there's this bizarrely personal impersonal email telling me to value her and my other girlie friends because they'll be the ones who are true. And you know what I say to that?

Screw Impersonal. Screw forwards. Screw her little safe feeling that she's connecting with me. I tried at one point to write her actual emails, to say hi and check in, to call on the phone and just *be* present in her life. I didn't get shit back, except for more forwarded emails. If I wanted forwards I'd sign up for them.

Give me something, anything, resembling a real conversation, a real talk, a real connection. I'm closer to friends who live in AUSTRALIA than I am to my own sister. Make that plural, sisters. And sometimes, sometimes it just disgusts me.
Tags: family, journal entries
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